2024 has been a year of intensity for so many of us. On a personal front, I have been navigating a lot since my father passed away in May. The feeling of losing a parent is so enormous, and the feeling of losing a best friend is impossible to describe.
When life as I knew it changed in an instant, a journey of inside-out transformation began, whether I was up for it or not. I was hoisted into the stages of grief, processing that my world was no longer the same. The experience forever changed me.
Riding the waves of grief has been a journey of surrender. Surrendering to the unknown. Surrendering to a new normal. Surrendering to the winds of change, and releasing attachment. Grief has honestly been one of my greatest teachers.
And the more I think about it, there are micro-grieving moments that show up every day in every change or transition that occurs, big or small. Also, surrender is a layer of DEIB leadership that’s not talked about enough. There are so many micro-moments each day and week that I’m reminded of how little control we have and how things are constantly changing…
Last month I was in the middle of facilitating a workshop with a group of about 75 executives, and my internet went down because of a power outage in the neighborhood. It was intensely unfortunate timing and I found myself getting frustrated and anxious; physiologically my body was not regulated- heart beating fast, stomach in knots, and all. I was so confused because that had never happened. Frantically I was resetting routers and connecting to hot spots. Nothing was working.
But then I remembered the power of surrender. I had no control. Being frustrated didn’t change the situation. So at that moment I made a choice to reset my energy and take a breath. And then something funny happened. Out of nowhere I laughed.
Taking a pause allowed me to see the situation as it was and be less hard on myself. A few minutes later the hotspot connected and I got back on the call smiling, explaining how metaphorical the situation actually was for leading during complex times. We never have control. And we’re never alone. Jye stepped up and held it down. When I came back on, some of the participants even shared how they appreciated the candid learning moment and it opened up a door for some real-talk about how messy life and leadership truly are.
If I had re-entered the call with my original anxiety and frustration, the experience would have been so different–for me and for them. My choice to surrender allowed for some real learning-in-public (and some lightness), which I think we’re all craving more of. That experience was another reminder that micro-moments have macro-impacts.
As I attempt to close this out, I keep remembering that surrender is not easy but it can be a gift. “Equity in action” is often about embracing all the layers and textures of the human experience and meeting people where they’re at.
And after a moment of surrender, we’re often reminded of how small our problems sometimes are in the grand scheme of life.
The past five months have been such great teachers about the power of giving myself permission to surrender, permission to feel, and permission to be present in the moment. While life as we know it can change so quickly, and it is FULL of imperfections, we’re never alone.
Thank you for being with me on this magical, messy learning journey.
PS - I’m working on a writing project and I’d love to hear…what’s the first word or phrase that comes to YOUR mind when you think of surrender?